inspiration strikes - a break from the monotony

Friday, October 11, 2002

More Poems About Being Sick

I'm not feeling that poorly anymore. In fact, I don't want to jinx myself, but I feel like I might be one day away from pronouncing myself "well." Given this rosy outlook, I've decided to write a few poems about being sick. Here they are:

Sick Limerick
Something is up with my nose
It's red and it runs and it blows
I would rather it not
be covered in snot
The mucus it comes and it goes

Goo Haiku
irritated nose
running and filled with mucus
go to tissue, goo!

Stomach Upset Quartet (in iambic pentameter)
rumbling slowly churning silently
a burbling cauldron down beneath the skin
filled with matter straining to be freed
be still, you beast! what wretched shape i'm in!

mattchun 10/11/2002 01:54:00 PM [+] ::
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Sore Throat Continued

Is it just me, or is everyone getting sick? Half of the people in my office are sick. I just randomly read through a bunch of blogs, and a lot of the authors have mentioned coming down with something. Must be the changing seasons. Or is there some web virus that's found away to jump from monitor to mouth! Ack! Irrational paranoia is setting in! Must be time for me to leave work...

Eight o'clock I'm checking out
The work day's done I'm feeling low
My body needs some rest, I know
I'll sleep quite well, no doubt.

mattchun 10/10/2002 07:57:00 PM [+] ::
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America's Pastime: A crude (and funny) metaphor

This is one of the few times, perhaps the only time, that I've heard baseball compared to the adult film industry.

mattchun 10/10/2002 05:37:00 PM [+] ::
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Twenty-odd Things about Me

1. I shave with the grain.
2. My face turns bright red when I drink alcohol.
3. I have a trumpet in my closet that I don't play anymore.
4. I rub the part of my face between my eyebrows when my friends are obnoxious.
5. Whenever I go to a nice restaurant or lounge, I like to visit the men's room to compare the facilities of different venues.
6. I go through bursts of creative output in which I write guitar songs about my friends.
7. Representative titles include: "We Called Her Gumby," "Cold-Hearted Bitch," and "The Room Inside Your Pants."
8. I don't particularly like my laugh.
9. I once had a 32+ inch vertical leap.
10. I once flew ass-first into a tree while skiing.
11. My vocal range is approximately two octaves.
12. Raging adolescent hormones once made me cut down a tree because I was angry.
13. I used to hang out on the roof of my parents' house, and once went so far as to put a lawn chair up there.
14. I have a (perhaps inherited) tendency to fall asleep in front of the television.
15. Apparently, my gums are receding, at 25 years of age. This depresses me.
16. I chipped my front teeth on concrete while rollerblading.
17. I later rechipped the bonding while biting my guitar.
18. I once played a horror movie character named "Mean Guy." (Home movie horror-- complete with ketchup blood)
19. I've swam in the Charles River. Unintentionally.
20. I can make a strange popping noise using my pinkie finger and my ear.
21. I have a scar on my hand from accidentally setting it on fire.
22. I can climb trees like a monkey.

mattchun 10/10/2002 11:58:00 AM [+] ::
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A Poem about My Aching Head

the pounding dull is gray inside my brain
it slowly throbs behind my reddened eyes
the gnawing blanching ache will surely wane
and clear the storm to leave me bluer skies

mattchun 10/09/2002 08:00:00 PM [+] ::
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Hot or Not

Is Blogger trying to tell me something by consistently posting adds for "Hot or Not" at the top of this site? Is it there right now?

I don't think that I'm either "Hot" or "Not." I'm lukewarm. Maybe tepid?

mattchun 10/09/2002 07:08:00 PM [+] ::
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Comments Commence

Okay, thanks to some web surfing and newly discovered HaloScan, I'm now comment enabled. Given that at present, I'm the only person reading this, I'll have to come up with interesting alter-egos (i.e. split personalities) to comment on myself until I'm out of stealth mode.

mattchun 10/09/2002 06:14:00 PM [+] ::
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Vermont State Spelling Champions

I was on the spelling team in elementary school. Yes, the spelling team. Fifth and sixth grade, if I recall correctly. I think it was '88 or '89. We would meet after school and go through pages and pages of alphabetized spelling words. None of the really esoteric stuff that you see in the Individual National Spelling Bee competition. It was lots of frequently misspelled words like "recommendation" and "independent." The type of words where you're likely to add or omit an extra consonant, or use an A instead of an E. It was good fun, and it made me feel good, in a nerdy elementary school kind of way.

In fifth grade, we won the state championship. My fifth grade team was stacked, and we blew away the competition. The competition's administrators gave us these little keychains with the Vermont state seal on the front. On the back, it said "Vermont Spelling Bee, State Champions, 1980-something." It was a proud moment. Shortly after the competition, I lost the little keepsake medallion-keychain. I was heartbroken. I don't think I had been so distraught about losing anything up to that point in my life. I searched everywhere for it, but the prize was nowhere to be found. Someone must have stolen it. I shudder to think that there's some twenty-something who has my medallion today. He or she could be out there, fraudulently claiming to be a Vermont State Spelling champion. If you come across someone of suspect spelling ability who is in possession of a Vermont State Spelling Champion's medallion, they're lying, and the medallion is mine.

I'd much rather think that there's some sinister spelling prize snatching thief out there than accept the Ockham's razor explanation, that it fell out my pocket.

Note: any spelling errors on this page are due to carelessness, not lack of spelling knowledge.

mattchun 10/09/2002 02:01:00 PM [+] ::
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Sore Throat, Part deux

So the sore throat seems to be subsiding, thanks to five or six cups of hot tea. The downside is that I have to get up every fifteen minutes to piss out twenty ounces of apple-cinnamon flavored urine. My coworkers probably think I'm doing coke in the stalls. I've been walking out to the bathroom frequently, and I return rubbing my nose and sniffling. What's the over-under on days until my office mates arrange an intervention?

I had a hot dog, cheese fries, and Boston baked beans for lunch. That has to set some sort of personal record for unhealthy lunch options. I was thinking that heavy, greasy junk food would probably be a good choice for doing battle with whatever rhinoviral invader is swirling around my body. (sniffle). Remarkably, I am feeling slightly better since having ingested that unholy trio of junk food. I think think the hot dog nitrates have my cold surrounded. Surrender or die germs!

mattchun 10/09/2002 01:36:00 PM [+] ::
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My First List

Just for the record,
Favorites as of 10/8/02:

Food: Pizza or Columbo Yogurt
Dessert: Cheesecake
Non-Alcoholic Beverage: Cherry Coke
Alcoholic Beverage: Newcastle
Musical Artist: Van Morrison
Season: Spring
Sport to Play: Golf
Sport to Watch on TV: Football
Sport to Watch in Person: Baseball
Color: Blue
Television Show: Seinfeld
Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark
Actor: Ben Stiller
Actress: Ashley Judd
Book: The Corrections
Magazine: Esquire
Animal: Dog
Instrument: Piano or maybe Guitar
Cartoon Character: Homer Simpson
Time of Day: Early evening
Holiday: Thanksgiving
Superhero: Spiderman

mattchun 10/08/2002 06:59:00 PM [+] ::
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Gubernatorial

In other unrelated news, I received a highly personalized email from a one Mr. Mitt Romney, republican candidate for governor of Massachusetts. I feel so very honored. Here it is:

I would like you to join me, Mitt Romney, in a discussion of the most important issues in this fall's Massachusetts governor's race. If you join my eCampaign, you will receive several personal emails outlining my views on the issues. The Internet has provided us a way to cut through the chatter in a way a 30-second television commercial doesn't have time to. And it has given you a way to talk back and be heard.

I am seeking your permission to send you 2-3 emails a week for the next 4 weeks. They will focus on education, health care, housing costs, and other issues. Thank you!

Campaigning in the information age. What a time to be alive!

mattchun 10/08/2002 06:22:00 PM [+] ::
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Sore Throat

I suppose I should consider myself lucky that so much time has passed since the last time I had a sore throat, but in spite of the that fact, I am absolutely pissed that I have even the slightest twinge of potential illness. I can't spare the time to get sick. I have things to do. People to see. Places to go.

Ugh. My throat is rapidly moving to that gravelly raw feeling. Like someone took a lemon zester and carved their initials next to my tonsils. Yes, with a lemon zester. Repeatedly. I need some Vitamin C stat.

mattchun 10/08/2002 06:15:00 PM [+] ::
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Monday Limerick

I sit at my desk in a daze
All of my thoughts just a haze
'cause monday is here
and all of the cheer
has vanished like rats in a maze...

mattchun 10/07/2002 11:32:00 AM [+] ::
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