inspiration strikes - a break from the monotony

Friday, April 25, 2003

DNA

I surfed over to google today and there was a little double helix between the G's of the logo in honor of Watson & Crick's achievement. I went to a science-y sort of school and so I would be remiss if I didn't mention something about the anniversary of the discovery of the structure of DNA. Here are the top ten things I plan to do to celebrate the anniversary:

• Turn up the bass and give someone some sugar. I can't think of anything for phosphate.
• Come up with clever acronyms for DNA, like DeoxyriboNucleic Ass.
• Make smart-alecky comments (e.g."your epidermis is showing")
• Walk around quipping, "elementary, my dear Watson."
• Build a scale model of a double helix out of bologna.
• Get someone to massage that crick in my neck.
• Claim to be the long, lost DNA pioneer.
• Unzip my DNA and replicate it.
• Clone my underwear.
• Drink excessively.

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mattchun 4/25/2003 05:19:00 PM [+] ::
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YOU CROSS ME, YOU'LL BE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES

In spite of the morose nature of my last post, I'm feeling quite happy. Today is Friday and I'm looking forward to the weekend. On Sunday, I officially become Godfather to one of my two twin nieces. You can bet the Marlon Brando impressions will be running rampant. What can I say, my sister gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. I have a sentimental weakness for children and I spoil them. Besides, a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. Anyone know where I can find a good consiglieri?

1:30pm Addendum: Does anyone have any suggestions for a good christening gift? They're only about five months old, so it's not like I can buy them a digital camera or a set of steak knives. I don't want to get stuck in the following scenario:

Matt: "What's that Emma? You don't want the martini set?"
Emma: "Goo goo!" (*drool*)
Matt: "Then I guess Uncle Matt will just have to hold onto it until you're of age. In the meantime, here's a nice tub of paste!"
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mattchun 4/25/2003 11:21:00 AM [+] ::
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WORKAHOLISM

The office simply cannot say goodbye.
I've slipped back to my workaholic ways
and I'm having trouble seeing why
I'm working ever longer, harder days.

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mattchun 4/24/2003 09:41:00 PM [+] ::
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SOMEONE PLEASE ADDRESS ME

Let me tell you a little about myself*. When I get home from work, there are usually a couple of things I need to take care of, like finding a great deal on my home mortgage or stocking up on toner. After taking care of business, it's always nice to kick back with a couple of muscle relaxants and see who's shakin' it on the old webcam. Maybe I'll take in an extreme chick fight or watch rowdy girls getting it on with their furry, farm friends. It's usually a lot of fun, but seeing the horses often makes me think it would be nice to add a few inches. I've considered taking herbal supplements, but I'll hold off since I'm running out of Viagra anyway.

With busy evenings like this, I often wish there was someone out there who would email me with offers that address my specific needs. Sigh.

*Note: If you don't realize that this is a work of fiction based on spam, drop me a line with $20. I've got a business proposition for you where you can make $3,000 a week from home!
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mattchun 4/24/2003 01:39:00 PM [+] ::
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DO YOU COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER?

My firm used to have a not insubstantial international contingent (to a lesser extent it still does). One of my work friends, Andy (coincidentally, the name of the prime minister from the Simpsons episode where they go down under), is originally from Australia and brings his unique flair to the office. At last year's summer outing, he taught me and my coworkers how to play cricket. He's also gotten me hooked on snooker.

As is well documented, Aussie's also have a great way of speaking. For instance, instead of saying, "thanks," he says "cheers, mate." Yesterday, when I accused him of stealing my pen (Australia was colonized by convicts, after all), instead of calling me an jerk, he called me a "cheeky bugger."

He's not like the other Men at Work. He vegemite say "dodgy" instead of strange, which Fosters a different cultural feel. DidgeriDoo you know what I mean? He's a solid individual though: if you want something done, he's Yahoo Serious about it. It's a Crocodile done deal and he won't outback out. His apartment has a roofdeck with a grill, so hopefully he'll have some summer parties on a g'day and we can, you know, throw some shrimp on the barbie.
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mattchun 4/23/2003 01:14:00 PM [+] ::
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DOMESTICATION STRIKES: A BREAK FROM THE MASCULINITY?

When in a relationship, do you radically change your behavior in the company of your significant other?

My friend and roommate Dave usually considers himself a stereotypical guy's guy: Doesn't like to clean, watches a lot of sports, makes jokes about flatulence, likes boobies, etc. When I returned from work last night, I caught up with him and his girlfriend. Our interaction went something like this:

Dave: "Hey Matty, you're home late."
Matt: "Yeah, it's been a long day. How was your day?"
Dave: "Good. I was just cleaning the kitchen. I've got some vegetable dip and a shrimp cocktail if you're hungry."
Matt: "No thanks, I already ate at the office."
Dave: "Well, I rented Maid in Manhattan, if you want to watch it."
Matt: "Thanks, but I'm going to head out and get some exercise."
(exit Matt)
When I returned after working out, he was giggling at the film like a little schoolgirl.

Dave cleaning the kitchen? Vegetable dip and shrimp cocktails? Giggling at Maid in Manhattan? I'm all for getting in touch with my feminine side, but his demeanor without vs. with his girlfriend is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide-less*.

* I only say it because Dave's a good friend and I know he can take it. Plus, it seems like the cheap shots have been going around lately.
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mattchun 4/22/2003 01:17:00 PM [+] ::
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FROM SCRUMPTIOUS TO SCRUPULOUS

This past weekend, in between going to Fenway Park and its spiritual analogue, I worked and played:

For the Birds: On Friday night, post-game, I socialized at Audubon. Despite the name, it's a bar and not an aviary, though there are usually plenty of lovely birds there (I sense a joke involving the white-breasted nuthatch, but I'll let it slide).

A Movable Feast: On Saturday morning, I had dim sum with a group of friends. Dim sum means "heartburn" in Chinese (actually, I think it's "touch the heart" but let's not split hairs) and if you've never tried it, you should. You sit down and a cavalcade of metal carts bearing different foods parades around the dining area. Your table has the option of selecting from a wide array of dishes with differing degrees of sliminess, most of which are quite heavy, greasy and delicious.

Taking Care of Business: I spent Saturday afternoon putting together a presentation for Monday. This part of the weekend wasn't as interesting so I'll spare you the details.

Moral Authority: On Saturday evening (at Cornwall's), I played a board game called Scruples. Have you played it? The game (for adults) poses a series of moral dilemmas like the following:

• "In a 'must-win' football game the coach tells you to target the rival quarterback's recent knee injury. Do you obey?"
• "Your new lover is amazed by your sexual stamina. She doesn't suspect you take Viagra. Do you take the credit?"

You win by guessing what the other players will say and challenging their bluffs. The most interesting part of the game revolves around arguing. Basically, it's character assassination 101. Clearly, this has the potential to spark some heated debate. Let's just say there's a reason why the box doesn't contain any sharp objects.
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mattchun 4/21/2003 04:54:00 PM [+] ::
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FENWAY, FIGHTS AND THOU SHALT NOT RING

On Friday night, I attended my first game at Fenway Park this season, and let me tell you, it was C-O-L-D cold. The gametime temperature was somewhere south of 35 degrees and I was half-tempted to bring a flask to help stave off the chill. In spite of the frigid conditions, the park played host to a great contest. The game featured sparkling play by the Sox on the field and no fewer than three fights off of it. One bout, which I'm dubbing "the Fury in the Fenway" was savagely impressive. The aggressor in the contest rained down a terrible torrent of overhand rights before security was able to pull apart the combatants. As for the game itself, the Sox won and the sounds of "Dirty Water," by the Standells bounced happily off the Green Monster.

The end of the weekend took me from the hallowed cathedral of Boston baseball to a church of a more conventional sort. On Sunday, I went to the 11am Easter service at St. Clement's, a beautiful shrine on Boylston St. in Boston. St. Clement's is an inspiring structure with high vaulted ceilings and ornate woodwork. I arrived ten minutes before the service began, and the church was already packed. Unfortunately, the only free seat I could find was directly behind a sizable stone column. Still, at least I had a seat. A few dozen people stood for the duration once the pews were filled to capacity. It was obstructed view and standing room, like the old Boston Garden but without the hoops.

For the most part, it was a lovely service, though to my dismay, no fewer than three cellphones went off during the proceedings. Now, last time I checked, the Book of Numbers wasn't a phone directory. On the occasions when I make it church, I don't expect miracles, but is a phone set to silent mode too much to ask?
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mattchun 4/21/2003 12:42:00 AM [+] ::
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