inspiration strikes - a break from the monotony

Friday, May 09, 2003

CSI BOSTON

A little over a year ago, my firm was acquired by a larger consulting firm. If you've followed the history of mergers and acquisitions in American business then you've probably heard that - like half of marriages these days - these unions often fizzle. The long-term success or failure of this particular business nuptial remains to be seen, but to say that we've been in a state of marital bliss would be a gross misrepresentation of the facts.

The honeymoon was clearly over when our managing director was sacked by our parent company's board of directors, about a week ago. Our MD was well-liked by everyone in our office, so his departure was a forceful blow to our collective psyche. In a display of the gallows humor that has come to characterize certain contingents of the firm, someone decorated his office as a crime scene, with masking tape serving double duty as police tape and as a "chalk" outline on the floor. Affixed to the door was a sign that read, "Crime Scene: Do Not Enter."

The funny thing is, no one told the night cleaning crew it was a joke. Apparently, they saw the "crime scene" and alerted the building authorities. I think they're afraid to dust his office, except perhaps for fingerprints. So now, as another sign that the marriage is on the rocks, no one is doing the housekeeping. Hey, I may do conference calls, but I don't do windows.
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mattchun 5/09/2003 09:05:00 AM [+] ::
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UNZIPPED

Either I'm getting a bit absent-minded about my personal grooming habits, or there's some sort of zipper fairy that lives under my desk. Either way, on more than one occasion in the past week, I've been walking around unzipped, oblivious to my exposure. Luckily, no one has spotted me with my fly down (to my knowledge) in advance of my rectifying the situation, though there have been a couple of close calls. As much as I'd like to share my underwear with the world at large, I should probably keep it to myself.
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mattchun 5/07/2003 03:16:00 PM [+] ::
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FINALLY!

I've been Jonesin' for this film on DVD for quite some time. The day will soon be here! Hurrah!
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mattchun 5/06/2003 03:39:00 PM [+] ::
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DUCAT TALES

Have you heard the news about how Saddam Hussein's son Qusay absconded with *one billion dollars* of Iraqi cash reserves just before the start of the war? Apparently, the volume of cash was so great that he needed three tractor trailer trucks to haul it all away.

Normally when you hear about *one billion dollars*, it's held in stocks and bonds, other assets, or being transferred to a swiss bank account. We're talking *one billion dollars* in cold, hard cash. That's the type of money you can toss into a big bin and backstroke through, Scrooge McDuck-style.

It's an amazing (though terrible) heist; the theft sounds like a dramatic Hollywood movie plot. But where is the money? If I was to hazard a guess, I'd bet that Qusay's holed up at some Canadian border crossing, Nord du Lignes. What we need now is a rogue cop and a volatile urban sidekick to track that nutjob down. Yippee-kiyay-mofo.
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mattchun 5/06/2003 10:01:00 AM [+] ::
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ABSINTHE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

E, one of my friends from work, is a lanky, genial California transplant. In spite of his devotion to the Lakers, he's a pleasant fellow, so when he invited me to a "celebration of spring" party this weekend, I made it a point to attend.

E spent a few years living and working in Prague and returned to the states having developed an appreciation for all things Czech, including his Czech girlfriend, J*. Because of their ties to the old world, E & J's spring bash featured many elements of Eastern European culture, ranging from meat (sausage), to beer (Pilsner Urquell), to pastries (some sort of berry cake).

The most interesting part of the evening revolved around another Czech import, Absinthe, the liquor of choice for many poets and artists of yesteryear. Illegal in the US, the potent potable has developed something of a mystical quality (it is often referred to as the green fairy) due to its reputation for causing what mental health professionals expertly call "the crazies," when imbibed to excess.

There were some expert Absinthians in our midst, who espoused the preferred method of consumption, which involves playing with fire. One fills a shotglass and then takes a small teaspoon with a bit of sugar and saturates it with Absinthe as well. The teaspoon is ignited (Absinthe is 140 proof) and the sugar is allowed to caramelize for a short period. This mixture is then dunked in the shotglass, which is extinguished and tossed back with aplomb.

The Absinthe shots were quite a hit. After all, nothing says spring like 140 proof alcohol on fire. If you've never tried it, you might want to Czech it out.

*WARNING -- another potent pun: I haven't asked E, but he must like chess. You know, because of his Czech mate.
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mattchun 5/05/2003 04:06:00 PM [+] ::
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