inspiration strikes - a break from the monotony

Friday, June 20, 2003

MR. SANDMAN

I'm notorious for falling asleep in front of the television. If I'm out and about and on the town, I can easily stay up 'til the wee small hours of the morning, but if I'm at home watching the boob tube, all bets are off. I've been known to conk out as early as 10pm when plopped on the couch. This tends to happen in stages:

Initially, I'm seated upright on the couch, viewing whatever program has struck my fancy.

Stage one is "the slant," wherein I shift my torso away from its starting, orthogonal position, to a head-on-elbow lean in which my upper body forms an acute angle with the couch, chaise or futon. Concomitant with this phase is a blurry-eyed, heavy-lidded blinking that presages complete unconsciousness.

In stage two, "the stretch," I adopt a full-out reclining position. This marks the point of no return. I can often revive myself from the slant, but once I'm horizontal, there's no turning back. In stage two, the heavy-lidded blinking has given way to short bouts of complete eye closure.

In stage three, "the ground state," gravity takes its toll. Much like a low-energy electron, I slide from the upper valence shell of the couch closer to the nucleus of the floor. At this point, my brain has gone fishin' (fission?) and within minutes, I'm out cold.

In stage four, "the shuffle," I awake sometime between 3 and 4am, struggle from off the floor and stagger to my bed. This is generally accompanied by contact lens removal (see substage A: "the peel").

In a nutshell, those are Matt's four stages of sleep. Now, If you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap.
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mattchun 6/20/2003 09:44:00 AM [+] ::
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THE NAKED TRUTH

This makes my camp experiences growing up seem mundane in comparison. (From NYTimes.com; requires registration)
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mattchun 6/18/2003 09:01:00 AM [+] ::
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WEDDING DAY DUNCE

One of my college friends was married this past weekend and I attended the ceremony. The wedding and reception were both held at a pictoresque resort in Chatham, MA.

I wish I could say the proceedings were smooth and uneventful, but I ended up playing a more prominent role than I had intended. No, I didn't sleep with the bride, or speak up at the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part, but I did arrive at the outdoor ceremony a bit late. Upon arrival, I asked one of the resort staff for the most inobtrusive way to join the rest of the guests. The hostess directed me outside to the back lawn, where the things were getting started. She shooed me down a grassy path, where I quickly hurried toward the other guests in their white wooden chairs. My timing was not fortuitous: as I scampered to the back, I realized that I was joining the procession of groomsmen -- who were escorting the parents of the bride and groom -- and the bridesmaids, who were following close behind. I sheepishly darted toward the left, where I sought refuge from my embarrassment with the head usher, a friend of mine, who alerted me to the fact that there were no more seats available -- So I stood beside him for the remainder of the ceremony, trying to look as dignified as possible.

Afterwards, I thought I caught a couple of dirty looks from the family of the bride and groom; but maybe it was just my imagination -- I conferred with some friends, who said that I was not as obtrusive as I may have made myself out to be. Even so, I don't think I'll ever be more self-conscious at another wedding until my own.
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mattchun 6/16/2003 05:28:00 PM [+] ::
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